It's been over a week now, since I was very unexpectedly hospitalized. God has sustained and worked some healing (not done yet) and tried to teach me a lot about trust, patience, and letting go of my own plans and desires.
Because for real, whose "plans and desires" are to spend four days in a hospital bed and a week at home recovering.
But letting go of my plans, desires, dreams, goals, and things that I love, expands way past this recent hospitalization.
Due to the physical issues and struggles, I had to let go of a business goal. And I had to not let it crush me and my perfectionist self too much.
Daily, I am slowly watching myself have to let go of my beautiful golden pooch who is dying before my eyes. We have a tough decision to make very very soon.
In my marriage, I have to continually let go of expectations and pride and selfishness. (And I need to let go of it more often. For real.)
Each day I have to let go of having a perfect home all the time. The struggle is real.
I have been steadily going through our rooms and closets and drawers and purging and decluttering. It is so freeing to let go of things that don't serve a purpose or bring joy.
God continually reminds me that I have to let go of being in control. Because who am I kidding: I cannot be in control. That is His job. And the more I try to control life, outcomes, people, and plans, the more I fail, the more I hurt those I love, the angrier I become. It's ugly.
Continually, I have to let go of hurts and offenses from others. I wish this was easier for me but it is something the Holy Spirit needs to work in my heart and soul because it does not come naturally. (I wish I could be more like my hubby in this area.)
When people I care about make poor decisions or don't do what I deem to be best for them or just don't see the truth, I have to let go and trust them to God, not carry that on myself and fret about it.
While waiting and waiting and waiting on something, I have to let go of obsessively worrying and wondering (and stomping my feet) and let go of the unknown and trust God's perfectly sovereign plan.
Huge and unexpected medical expenses means letting go of our perfectly planned out financial goals for the year (and increases my passion & determination to grow my home business).
Continuing to better myself and bring even further healing and wellness into my life and home means I have to let go of some things that I love that don't serve those purposes. (Pssst: I'm still drinking wine and eating chocolate, don't panic.)
When I picture letting go, I see open hands at the end of outstretched arms. And when our hands our wide open and not clinging to things, they are free to receive God's best gifts, plans, and purposes, even when we don't see or understand them. There is beauty and promise and glory in our pain and shattered plans.
Because for real, whose "plans and desires" are to spend four days in a hospital bed and a week at home recovering.
But letting go of my plans, desires, dreams, goals, and things that I love, expands way past this recent hospitalization.
Due to the physical issues and struggles, I had to let go of a business goal. And I had to not let it crush me and my perfectionist self too much.
Daily, I am slowly watching myself have to let go of my beautiful golden pooch who is dying before my eyes. We have a tough decision to make very very soon.
In my marriage, I have to continually let go of expectations and pride and selfishness. (And I need to let go of it more often. For real.)
Each day I have to let go of having a perfect home all the time. The struggle is real.
I have been steadily going through our rooms and closets and drawers and purging and decluttering. It is so freeing to let go of things that don't serve a purpose or bring joy.
God continually reminds me that I have to let go of being in control. Because who am I kidding: I cannot be in control. That is His job. And the more I try to control life, outcomes, people, and plans, the more I fail, the more I hurt those I love, the angrier I become. It's ugly.
Continually, I have to let go of hurts and offenses from others. I wish this was easier for me but it is something the Holy Spirit needs to work in my heart and soul because it does not come naturally. (I wish I could be more like my hubby in this area.)
When people I care about make poor decisions or don't do what I deem to be best for them or just don't see the truth, I have to let go and trust them to God, not carry that on myself and fret about it.
While waiting and waiting and waiting on something, I have to let go of obsessively worrying and wondering (and stomping my feet) and let go of the unknown and trust God's perfectly sovereign plan.
Huge and unexpected medical expenses means letting go of our perfectly planned out financial goals for the year (and increases my passion & determination to grow my home business).
Continuing to better myself and bring even further healing and wellness into my life and home means I have to let go of some things that I love that don't serve those purposes. (Pssst: I'm still drinking wine and eating chocolate, don't panic.)
When I picture letting go, I see open hands at the end of outstretched arms. And when our hands our wide open and not clinging to things, they are free to receive God's best gifts, plans, and purposes, even when we don't see or understand them. There is beauty and promise and glory in our pain and shattered plans.
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Gal. 2:20
Gal. 2:20
