Photos by Bethany Grace Photography
This morning, after an early wake up, I stumbled upon and scrolled through several old blog posts that I wrote within the first year of our marriage. It was almost like reading someone else's blog... So much has changed in just two short years.
And as I read, I was reminded of how much I miss writing. How much I miss chronicling this journey of life, the ups and downs, hills and valleys, joys and heartaches.
My Emmy June finally went back to sleep so I have a brief window of morning quiet; an unscented candle is burning, while lemon & spearmint spritzes from my kitchen counter oils diffuser. I have a cup of coffee to my right, the house is clean, calm music is playing from Spotify, and I am just soaking it in.
Amidst the calm & quiet, I am almost paralyzed with overwhelm. After a whole summer of writing silence, how do I begin to put it all into words? This same paralyzation has stopped me from snatching up other brief moments to write recently.
Do I begin with how deep the suffering of chronic illness is this summer?
Do I talk about my baby girl's first experience with high fevers and what that taught me?
Do I scribble about the joys & struggles in the mundane of work and cooking and parenting and appointments and vacuuming the living room?
What about mental illness, do I share about that again?
Ah, maybe I could nerd out about the Enneagram and all it's taught me?
And as I read, I was reminded of how much I miss writing. How much I miss chronicling this journey of life, the ups and downs, hills and valleys, joys and heartaches.
My Emmy June finally went back to sleep so I have a brief window of morning quiet; an unscented candle is burning, while lemon & spearmint spritzes from my kitchen counter oils diffuser. I have a cup of coffee to my right, the house is clean, calm music is playing from Spotify, and I am just soaking it in.
Amidst the calm & quiet, I am almost paralyzed with overwhelm. After a whole summer of writing silence, how do I begin to put it all into words? This same paralyzation has stopped me from snatching up other brief moments to write recently.
Do I begin with how deep the suffering of chronic illness is this summer?
Do I talk about my baby girl's first experience with high fevers and what that taught me?
Do I scribble about the joys & struggles in the mundane of work and cooking and parenting and appointments and vacuuming the living room?
What about mental illness, do I share about that again?
Ah, maybe I could nerd out about the Enneagram and all it's taught me?
The truth is, I could write a chapter book about the past few months. But what I want to focus on most, is the goodness and kindness of God. I need to speak the truth to my own heart. I need to rehearse His faithfulness and mercies.
I think that is what I've missed the most about writing; writing to my own soul.
Through the depths of continued physical suffering, God shows me His unending strength. He allows me to come to the end of myself, over and over and over, and I find again that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
With my puffy tired eyes and intense exhaustion, He reminds me that it is His design that we routinely rest. He teaches me to implement rhythms of rest, amidst the busyness of an active toddler, a part-time job to hold, a husband who works long days, big family celebrations & sudden family emergencies, and endless medical appointments. In His kindness, He has given me a husband who continually encourages me to slow down, to listen to my body, to sit down and simply be. (This does not come naturally to this Enneagram 1.)
While experiencing the peace and joy of an uncluttered home, He reminds me that it is His design that we not be weighed down with the cares and excess of material things. His peace shines through on cleared off tables & counter tops, a clean bathroom, and laundry that is actually manageable. (Thank you, Allie Casazza, for sharing your life-changing story and truth!)
Through the sparkling eyes and mischievous smiles of our little one, I see His design for delight and wonder. And through her defiance and tantrums, I am reminded that it is only He that can save us from ourselves, from our sin nature, from our rebellion.
And through navigating the very beginning stages of parenting and discipline, I see Him even more clearly as our Good Father, our Kind Shepherd. I look to His example and character as I prayerfully seek to turn this tiny human's heart and mind toward Jesus and obedience.
While bank accounts continually drop lower and lower, and the bills get higher and higher, He shows me that He is our Provider. He reminds me to have no anxiety about tomorrow because He provides enough for today.
Amidst continued struggles with anxiety, PTSD, and depression, He reminds me that He has the power to renew my mind and that He walks with me gently through the dark valleys.. He shows me in His Word and through the counsel of others, that there is hope for chemical and hormonal imbalances, that there are medications for physical causes, that He has given us an abundance of plants and herbs and nutrition to support healing, and that He gives us the ability to retrain our thought patterns.
I think that is what I've missed the most about writing; writing to my own soul.
Through the depths of continued physical suffering, God shows me His unending strength. He allows me to come to the end of myself, over and over and over, and I find again that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
With my puffy tired eyes and intense exhaustion, He reminds me that it is His design that we routinely rest. He teaches me to implement rhythms of rest, amidst the busyness of an active toddler, a part-time job to hold, a husband who works long days, big family celebrations & sudden family emergencies, and endless medical appointments. In His kindness, He has given me a husband who continually encourages me to slow down, to listen to my body, to sit down and simply be. (This does not come naturally to this Enneagram 1.)
While experiencing the peace and joy of an uncluttered home, He reminds me that it is His design that we not be weighed down with the cares and excess of material things. His peace shines through on cleared off tables & counter tops, a clean bathroom, and laundry that is actually manageable. (Thank you, Allie Casazza, for sharing your life-changing story and truth!)
Through the sparkling eyes and mischievous smiles of our little one, I see His design for delight and wonder. And through her defiance and tantrums, I am reminded that it is only He that can save us from ourselves, from our sin nature, from our rebellion.
And through navigating the very beginning stages of parenting and discipline, I see Him even more clearly as our Good Father, our Kind Shepherd. I look to His example and character as I prayerfully seek to turn this tiny human's heart and mind toward Jesus and obedience.
While bank accounts continually drop lower and lower, and the bills get higher and higher, He shows me that He is our Provider. He reminds me to have no anxiety about tomorrow because He provides enough for today.
Amidst continued struggles with anxiety, PTSD, and depression, He reminds me that He has the power to renew my mind and that He walks with me gently through the dark valleys.. He shows me in His Word and through the counsel of others, that there is hope for chemical and hormonal imbalances, that there are medications for physical causes, that He has given us an abundance of plants and herbs and nutrition to support healing, and that He gives us the ability to retrain our thought patterns.
On a spontaneous Friday night date at our absolute favorite local microbrewery, while we ask each other dozens of questions from an article titled, 137 Uncommon First Date Questions – Easily spark conversations, He reminds me that laughter is good medicine and marriage can be stunningly beautiful, amidst its brokenness.
During tense moments of a screaming one-year-old and a parenting disagreement, He reminds me of the power of repentance and forgiveness and humility.
While living in a continual state of partially done house and yard projects, He reminds me of many things... 1) This world is not my home and is not meant to be perfect. 2) It is a good and beautiful thing to better, improve, and "redeem" things in this world, to display God's beauty and order and remaking into new life. 3) Hard work is a gift from God and brings satisfaction and joy. 4) Progress over perfection (again, Enneagram One here). 5) Relationships and health trump getting things done. Projects can wait as long as they need to.
During tense moments of a screaming one-year-old and a parenting disagreement, He reminds me of the power of repentance and forgiveness and humility.
While living in a continual state of partially done house and yard projects, He reminds me of many things... 1) This world is not my home and is not meant to be perfect. 2) It is a good and beautiful thing to better, improve, and "redeem" things in this world, to display God's beauty and order and remaking into new life. 3) Hard work is a gift from God and brings satisfaction and joy. 4) Progress over perfection (again, Enneagram One here). 5) Relationships and health trump getting things done. Projects can wait as long as they need to.
It is now nap time and I'm back to wrap this up. A double batch of Justin's favorite chocolate chip banana bread is in the oven and the aroma fills the whole house. Banana bread is one of his love languages and speaks directly to his soul. I have cinnamon banana coffee cake half-made, to bring as a treat to the office in the morning. (I had tons of overripe bananas... Obviously.) I need to do my quick fifteen-minute home & laundry maintenance routine and then Emery will be awake again.
I'm thankful that God is good and gracious and kind. Every single day. No matter the circumstances, He doesn't change and His light shines through.
Happy Hump Day, loves.
I'm thankful that God is good and gracious and kind. Every single day. No matter the circumstances, He doesn't change and His light shines through.
Happy Hump Day, loves.