real life valentine's day

It's February 14th, a day that has become known for hearts and roses and chocolates and wine and jewelry and fancy dinners.

And on this hearts and roses day, I'm still irritated with my husband over something that happened yesterday. And since his work schedule recently changed, I don't see him in the mornings anymore, so we haven't even spoken today.

I have a card at home that I still need to write in and I don't feel like it right now. 

This is just brutal honesty about my own shortcomings, failures, selfishness, stubbornness, and pride. I'm sitting here thinking and pondering on love and marriage and real everyday life.

We're told all the time how hard marriage is (and seriously, it is). But it's hard because people are hard. We are all sinners and selfish and imperfect and then we say "I do, forever and always" to another selfish and imperfect sinner and move in together. (I should add that I'm chuckling to myself and shaking my head as I type this.)

​We've been married almost a year and it has been the best year of my life but also one of the hardest.

There are so many beautiful moments and fun days and more love and forgiveness than I've ever experienced.

And there are also fights and tears and yelling and silence and disagreements and messy moments.

​I am blessed beyond words to be married to a man who loves God, loves His Word, loves me, and loves others; a man who decides to give one of our cars to someone to use because they don't have one, who nearly daily talks about and struggles through what more we can do to save the unborn and care for needy mothers, a man who pours hours into investing time and Bible teaching into high school students, a man who brings flowers home when I'm having a horrible week, a man who makes dinner and cleans the house when I'm recovering from surgery.

​On and on and on I could go with this list... And then I feel guilty for ever getting irritated.

But here's the deal: he's far from perfect and I'm far from perfect. So of freaking course we're going to get irritated with one another.

The goal and the challenge lies in what we do with that irritation. Do we let it fester and grow and blow out of proportion? Do we go to bed angry? 

Or, do we seek forgiveness and reconciliation, admit our wrong, explain what we're feeling and why we reacted that way, give a smooch, and move on?

We have both responses in our home. I'm incredibly grateful to say that the latter is more of the norm (praise Jesus).  But we/I definitely need to work on making it even more of the norm. My hubby is better at it than I am, for sure, and it often humbles and convicts me.

Real life Valentine's Day is really just like any other real life marriage day. There is morning breath and sharing a tiny bathroom and dishes in the sink and unpacked bags from the weekend and a sick dog and bills to pay and unexpected medical costs and boxes all over the office (again) and garbage to take out and dinner to cook and long work days to put in and outside commitments to keep. There are differing opinions and tough decisions to make and only twenty four hours in a day that fly by way too quickly.

Now I'm not saying that there shouldn't also be presents and dinner and a few extra kisses. Any opportunity to pause and have a little romance is a good opportunity. We don't go out on the actual day (we don't like crowds) but my hubby has a "day date" scheduled for Saturday and I have no idea what it's going to be. It includes leaving the house at 7:30am on a Saturday morning so apparently it's going to be good enough to be worth losing my one morning to sleep in (wink). ​

Each and everyday is an opportunity for married couples to show the world the picture of Christ and the Church. This is something we strive for daily in our home. We fall miserably short every single day. But every morning is a new day and a new opportunity to pray and try again. To love well, serve well, give well, submit to one another well, respect well, share well, live well, and die to ourselves.

So I'm saying a prayer and letting go of the irritation and frustration. And since my plans with a friend after work will be shorter than anticipated, tonight I am going to stop at the grocery store and grab a few things and make a very simple "red and white" dinner for my husband.  I will light candles and pour wine and make one of his favorite desserts. I'll jazz up spaghetti with some sausage and beef and mushrooms and make the most buttery garlic bread around. I will write in that card and try to express even an ounce of my love and appreciation and respect.

​Happy Valentine's Day, lovelies. Married peeps, even if you're "not in Valentine's Day" (eye roll), take a moment to express a little extra love and appreciation to your spouse. Every husband and wife needs that. XOXOXO.

P.S. My hubby just called me quick in the middle of his work day to ask me to be his valentine (and ask if I'm still mad). I love that man.