Blog posts have been started but never finished, largely due to my baby girl, who is eight weeks old today. She always wakes up from her nap before I finish writing… We shall see how far we get today.
(Someday I do hope to edit and complete the other posts I began. They’re rather raw and real, an honest glimpse into my life as a first time mom. The realness and rawness slightly scares me from posting them…)
It’s almost noon on a gorgeous Monday. My beautiful girl & I recently returned from a brisk walk, followed by pulling weeds, followed by a much needed lunch for this breastfeeding momma. I need a shower in the biggest way, which is only possible while she’s napping, but I sat my sweaty self down to write instead.
It has been a very heavy & hard couple of weeks.
The kind that leave you gasping for air, for relief, for God to make good on His promises.
The type that have you deleting all social media on your phone, because it’s just adding too much to the noise & confusion of this thing we call life.
The sort that have you stealing money from savings to have a two night little getaway.
The sudden and shocking passing of a dear friend’s dad and subsequently helping out as much as possible with childcare, housing arrangements, etc. The funeral was one of the best & most hope-filled that I’ve been to but the deep sadness & loss was very real.
Two other deaths that hit close to home for my family.
Long & stretching conversations.
Continued overwhelm of crazy hormones & debilitating sleeplessness.
A chronically cranky baby.
Tears on tears on tears.
God and I have battled. We’re still battling.
I see Him in the eyes of my amazing blue-eyed daughter.
I feel Him in the arms of my husband, even on the days we’re arguing and impatient and exhausted.
I see Him in the amazing selfless assistance from my family, when I need them most.
I feel Him in the beautiful breeze and rays of sunshine.
I see Him in His Word, as I continue to daily read and flood my doubt-filled mind with truth.
I feel Him in the delight of baby smiles.
I see Him in the simple joys, like a two hour date night with free ice cream and a romantic walk through nature with my hubby.
I feel Him when I somehow have the strength & ability to carry on when I’m running below empty.
I see Him in the stunning beauty of the Mississippi River and surrounding bluffs, trees, and soaring eagles.
I taste Him in the enjoyment of delicious food and drink.
I feel His love when a sister sends a text at just the right time, when I’m feeling utterly defeated.
I see Him when our finances somehow work out, amidst reduced income.
I feel His joy as I observe the deep bond between my handsome husband and gorgeous baby girl.
He is here in the daily.
He is here in the pain.
He is here in the ugly.
He is here in the beautiful.
He is here.