2:30 on a cool August Sunday afternoon and I'm hiding under the bedroom comforter in my underwear crying and watching Downton Abbey simultaneously. I can hear my husband strumming his guitar in the office below. A half hour later he comes upstairs to change for ultimate and stumbles in on my emotional mess. He whispers in my ear and I start crying again and he patiently waits for me to find the courage and the words to try to explain my heart and my tears.
Tears soaked the pillow as I struggled to explain the feelings of failure, the loneliness, the anger, and the fears. Common demons for all of humanity that were overwhelming and defeating my heart and mind. He held my hand and spoke truth to my heart. Some of it was painful but truth often is. He pointed me to the Word and reminded me I'm beautiful and that I need to not beat on myself so much and then I cried some more.
He left and I wiped my tears and put clothes on and cracked open my MacBook to practice some writing therapy.
A month ago I wrote about growth. Many of the changes and the growing are exciting and wonderful right now but they still have the growing pains. And sometimes those pains overwhelm and I crumble a bit.
The devil uses the little things to blow all of life out proportion and cripple me from moving forward in faith and joy.
I look around my house that was clean twenty-four hours ago and see the groceries that aren't put away and the dishes that aren't put in the dishwasher and the makeup and towels strewn about the bathroom and I wonder why I'm not a better homemaker.
I speak unkind words to my husband wonder why I'm not a better wife.
I see others who are much further ahead in their business and wonder why I'm not a more skilled entrepreneur.
I continually work to better my health and chronic illness and then get sick for a couple weeks and wonder why I don't do even more to care for my body.
Living in failure and living in the past are not what I am called to do. Jesus calls me to new life, to continual repentance, to strength and joy. His Word proclaims over and over and over how deeply loved I am and how completely new and clean I am made through the work of Christ.
He is the Giver of good gifts and is the One who has presented all of these changes and opportunities and growing experiences.
Tears soaked the pillow as I struggled to explain the feelings of failure, the loneliness, the anger, and the fears. Common demons for all of humanity that were overwhelming and defeating my heart and mind. He held my hand and spoke truth to my heart. Some of it was painful but truth often is. He pointed me to the Word and reminded me I'm beautiful and that I need to not beat on myself so much and then I cried some more.
He left and I wiped my tears and put clothes on and cracked open my MacBook to practice some writing therapy.
A month ago I wrote about growth. Many of the changes and the growing are exciting and wonderful right now but they still have the growing pains. And sometimes those pains overwhelm and I crumble a bit.
The devil uses the little things to blow all of life out proportion and cripple me from moving forward in faith and joy.
I look around my house that was clean twenty-four hours ago and see the groceries that aren't put away and the dishes that aren't put in the dishwasher and the makeup and towels strewn about the bathroom and I wonder why I'm not a better homemaker.
I speak unkind words to my husband wonder why I'm not a better wife.
I see others who are much further ahead in their business and wonder why I'm not a more skilled entrepreneur.
I continually work to better my health and chronic illness and then get sick for a couple weeks and wonder why I don't do even more to care for my body.
Living in failure and living in the past are not what I am called to do. Jesus calls me to new life, to continual repentance, to strength and joy. His Word proclaims over and over and over how deeply loved I am and how completely new and clean I am made through the work of Christ.
He is the Giver of good gifts and is the One who has presented all of these changes and opportunities and growing experiences.
