the life of (n)joy
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friday. flexibility. forever.

3/23/2018

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It's Friday, friends. Can I get a woot woot? 

Ah. The weeks are extra long right now, even though my "work weeks" are the shortest they've been in about seven years.

Hauling around a baby girl in my belly ,who is hanging very low for only being 28 weeks, is exhausting.

(Plus all the other pregnancy / health issues but that's not what this post is about.)

This particular Friday has gone nothing like planned. But I'm rolling with the punches and smiling through it all.

That's a pretty big win for me. Just ask my hubby.... I struggle to be a "roll with the punches" kinda gal.

Best part of the changed plans and appointments, is being "stuck" in the town 20 minutes away, where we run errands. I'm in the middle of a few hours to run to Target and then get lunch at a the coolest local coffee & lunch spot. My chicken avocado ciabatta sandwich is being made as I type and this hungry momma can't wait.

This morning, as one plan after another fell apart, I made the conscious choice to let go of "my" plans for the day.

The seven loads of laundry can wait to be folded.

The entire house that needs scrubbing can wait until next week.

The clothing organization project won't go anywhere.

Justin and I were talking last night about how temporary this life is; how temporary our beautiful in-process home is; how an "imperfectly colored" recliner doesn't matter; how driving an old beater care means nothing, in light of eternity.

It wasn't a morbid conversation, it was a healthy discussion on not getting so caught up in the things of this world.

Because, dang, it is so easy to lose sight of an eternal perspective.

As I work daily to prepare our home, freezers, etc. for the arrival of our baby girl, may I not forget to prepare my heart to be a mother.

As we spend weekends and hard-earned overtime money to fix up our house, may we not forget to fix up our hearts in preparation for an eternity spent after we breathe our last.

As I work hard to plan & prepare healthy food for our bodies, may i not forget that these bodies are only temporary.

​I sit hear surrounded by the chatter of a lovely cafe. Upbeat chill music plays in the background. A glass of cucumber & citrus infused water to the right of my MacBook. 

My delicious looking chicken-avocado-bacon-spinach-tomato-onion-homemade-avocado-ranch-dressing-on-toasted-ciabatta-bun sandwich just arrived, along with salty kettle chips & a pickle spear. I'm in pregnant momma food heaven.

And while I ponder on eternity, I'm overwhelmingly grateful for the gifts of today, in this short life.

This life is so painful. It's filled with endless trials. Even as I sit here thoroughly enjoying eating & writing, I pray specifically that the food won't cause another bowel obstruction and that the lighting won't trigger another massive migraine. I pray for energy & strength after another difficult and pain-filled night. I pray that God will uphold my health enough to enjoy a lovely baby shower for Emery tomorrow, that my beautiful mom & bestie & little sisters are hosting.

Beauty and pain.

Good and bad.

Fun and horror.

Laughter and tears.

This is the dance of this temporary life. Little glimpses of heaven & eternal joy, mixed in with the moaning and groaning of living in a fallen world. 

I am grateful for all of it. Do I *feel* grateful every moment of everyday? No. Definitely not. An "attitude of gratitude" has become an overused cliche but i do believe it is a biblical concept.

God uses every single detail of this life for His glory and our eternal good. Who am I to think I know better? Who am I to not give Him thanks and praise, no matter what may come my way?

I say this with a bit of fear and trepidation. God has tested me on this before, is testing me on it now, and I know will test me on it in the future. 

There are times I am gripped with fear, when I wonder what God will ask of me in the future. In those times, I remind myself of His faithfulness so far. His words of promise, comfort, and strength, which have proven so true over the past nearly three decades of my life, will not change. They will not fade away.

And that, my friend, increases my joy and faith. It helps me enjoy the gifts of today, without fear of tomorrow. It helps me endure the pain, knowing there will be a day with no more pain.

I am grateful for today.

I look forward to tomorrow.

​And I eagerly await our forever home with Jesus.
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on weariness and rest

3/15/2018

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Weary. It's a word I've been thinking on a lot this week, largely because it's the best word I can come up with to describe how I feel at 6+ months pregnant. 

It's how I feel on this Thursday morning, after another rough night of pain & not nearly enough sleep.

Weary. Hot mess. Crazy pregnant momma. Delirious. Foggy. 

All of these would work to describe me myself and I this morning.

All week God has been surrounding me with scriptures that speak on weariness, anxiety, and fear (funny how all three go hand-in-hand). 

This morning it was the reminder that no matter how weary I may become, my God will never ever grow weary. Ever. His strength has no end and no limit.

A couple days ago it was the reminder to go to Him with my weariness. I have a tendency to forget to do this, instead wallowing in overwhelm and hopelessness. But He promises REST when we humble ourselves and go to Him. Sometimes "rest" won't look exactly like we want it to (i.e. a full night's sleep) but He is the source of true rest: spiritual rest.

There are all kinds of weariness in this journey of life. Whether we are married, single, working long hours, unemployed, have little ones running around, struggling with infertility, you name it: weariness is real.

Physical weariness from endless pain.

Emotional weariness from any sort of trial & struggle. (Also the amplified emotional weariness when you add raging preggo hormones. Just saying.)

Spiritual weariness, when fighting the attacks against our soul.

Relational weariness during difficult times in marriage, family, etc.

Mental weariness, when the huge decisions are endless and the way is murky & confusing.

​Financial weariness, when the medical bills show up in the mailbox every other day and a baby is on the way and the house needs fixing up.

Weary.

Exhausted.

Overwhelmed.

Done.

Do any of these words resonate with you? Can you relate?

We all go through these seasons. Sometimes the seasons last longer than others.

But no matter the season, no matter if it's an exhausting week or an exhausting decade, our God remains the same.

His mercy never grows weary and it is new every morning.

He does not weary of showing His faithfulness, for it is great.

Our heavy burdens are never tiresome to Him. He tells us to come.

So amidst extreme weariness of many kinds, my soul can find rest at the foot of the Cross, in the arms of my Savior, and on the chest of my Heavenly Father.
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March Monday Musings

3/5/2018

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It's a cloudy Monday morning, on this first Monday of March. After a night of tossing and turning, my sweet baby girl officially woke me up for good a little after 6:30 with the belly bouncing of her hiccups. Sweetest thing ever. They're rare and I love them. These are the pregnancy moments that make the many hard moments worth it.

It's a windy morning and the word is that a snowstorm will be blowing in tonight and tomorrow. But even that doesn't dampen my excitement over the fact that it's the month of March. Baby Emery's birth month is officially only three months away and I'm so grateful. Plus, I just can't wait to be outside in the fresh air, soaking up vitamin D, and using nature's natural medicine for depression and anxiety. It's been a long winter.

As we count down the days until Emery's due date, my mind is swirling at a million miles an hour about all the things I'd like to get done first...

-finish painting all the existing woodwork & doors in the house and install the new trim
-paint a few items of furniture
-continue to organize and declutter the entire house
-paint the kitchen
-get 30 freezer meals in the chest freezer + lots of healthy homemade baked goods
-finish my Master Menu Plan
-spring yard clean up
-create new postpartum budget 
-install new light fixtures
-finish selling furniture & other household items
-finish birth plan
-pack hospital bag

I'll spare you the rest. My list is two full pages long and growing... We will definitely need to prioritize.

I'm making the choice on this Monday morning to not let the overwhelm paralyze me, to learn to prioritize better, and to remind myself that whatever does or does not get done, it will be okay. As I near the third trimester, I can already feel my body slowing down. In this season, I will choose to give myself grace and focus on what is most important: a healthy baby and a healthy momma. 

The house projects will always be there. If the freezer doesn't get packed full of meals, our family will step up and help feed us. If I can't make the numbers work on the postpartum budget, God will provide. 

These are the little truths & reminders I will need to repeat to myself over and over and over as we journey through the final part of this pregnancy.

I'm a perfectionist by nature and like to be prepared and do all. the. things. This has been a constant battle, both blessing and curse, over my entire adult life. As I enter motherhood, those challenges will continue to change and grow and I pray God continues to shape & refine me.

I pray He helps me prioritize with eternal values in mind.

​Always.
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