It's the last day of March, and I'm sitting in the surgical wing of the hospital.

My IV is in and my back aches and my neck hurts but thankfully the brief moments of panic have passed.

It's an incredibly minor surgery for something completely unrelated to my "normal" health stuff and I'm way used to hospitals and doctors and nurses but it's still not the most fun way to spend a Tuesday morning.

Except for the medication high that I know is coming. That part is awesome. (Just keeping it real.)

I've been sitting here reading John 13. My pastor and friend shared a blog post he wrote (please go read it) from a couple verses in the passage and it got me reading the whole chapter and some commentary on it.

The example Jesus left for us leaves me about speechless.

The Son of God humbled Himself so low. He served. He loved. He did what the Father commanded Him, without delay, no matter how much pain or discomfort it caused Him. He even loved and served the very person who would betray Him so deeply.

He loved and He served and He commanded us to follow His example.

All of His commands are important but I think there's a little significance to someone's more "final" words and verse thirty-four is one of His more final admonitions.

He gave us this command right before He made the ultimate sacrifice for love: His very life.

He suffered and died the most cruel death because He loves.

He took on every one of my sins because of His deep love.

He endured unimaginable grief because His love for His people runs so very deep.

But He didn't just die.

He came back to life so that we may have life.

He ascended to heaven to be our King and He is reigning right at this very moment.

This is something to remember and ponder and give thanks for daily. But I'm thankful for this time of year when we give it extra focus as a Church worldwide, for extra time to reflect and praise our God.

In youth group this year, we taught the kids this definition of the Gospel: "Through the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ, God saves sinners."

It's so simple but it's so mind blowing.

And leaves me so grateful.

My surgery was supposed to start twenty-five minutes ago but still no sign of the anesthesiologist and Of Monsters and Men is playing on my Spotify app.

And I'm going to head back to the book of John.

God is good.

Have a very blessed Resurrection Day.

What's the logical thing to do on a Saturday morning when my floors need cleaning and my clothes need laundering and last week's laundry needs folding and the car needs cleaning and the bed needs making and the checkbook needs balancing and the list goes on and on and on?

Sit down and write. 

Obviously.

Jack up some tunes by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors and open the window and let the spring air in.

Duh.

Make a cup of coffee with a shot of Kahlua and a piece of toast drenched in butter.

Um, yum.

Stay in my sweatpants as long as possible and make plans for a coffee shop chat with the triple sis.

Heck yes.

Call the bestie for forty minutes.

Highlight of my morning (besides the scale being down two pounds...sorry, Emmy).

Crack open that new study Bible.

Food for my hungry soul.

I did get the dishes done. That had been sitting there for four days. Does that count for something?

Throughout the week I had so many things come up that I could do today. Lots of options. Lots of awesome things with awesome people that I love.

And by Thursday I knew I had to say no. To everything.

It does kill me a little bit to miss my baby brother's basketball tournament in Madison. Love you, Little Joe.

It's now Monday evening and I abruptly stopped writing this post and the beautiful weekend is over and I left work sick around 1:00 and have consumed an inordinate amount of toast in the past six hours.  (And my hands smell strongly of garlic because a certain lovely person was persistent in sharing ways to get it in my system and I finally gave in because ain't nobody got time to be sick so whatever might help.)

And I'm just once again overwhelmed by the goodness and kindness and faithfulness of God.

I feel like a broken record saying that but I can never get over His goodness.

His goodness amidst snotty Kleenex and trying not to puke.

His goodness amidst life's busyness.

His goodness in continually revealing Himself through His written Word.

His goodness in surrounding me with so many awesome people who love Him and love me and we get to walk this road together as family and it's incredible.

His goodness in creating little humans in all their adorable miraculousness and with their drool and poopy diapers and coos and toddling.

His goodness in giving us technology to keep in close touch with besties who are miles and miles away.

His goodness in continually sanctifying and molding and shaping and growing and stretching me. As painful as it gets, I love that He is always so faithful to not let me get too comfortable.

His goodness in reminding me to slow down and live at a healthier pace and that living a completely sold out life for Him doesn't mean running myself into the ground in an effort to do "good works" and love people.

Good works are crucial. (Eph. 2:10; Titus 2:7; 2:14; 3:8; 3:14; Heb. 10:24; James 2:14)

And I'm learning that it can be just as much of a "good work" to have an open and chill weekend that gives time for last minute walks and  coffee chats with blood family & church family and gives time to hang with a sick nephew and gives time to maintain a clean & peaceful (ish) home as it is to have weekends packed full of intentional outreach and showing up at important events and helping with big projects.

It's okay to sometimes say no to good things. Saying no to things is the only way weekends like the above can exist.

I think of Jesus and the way that He lived. He was unhurried. He took time with and for people. He didn't listen to the urging of His disciples. He focused on and healed the person in front of Him in the moment instead of worrying about the thousands of others that needed Him. He took time in solitude and prayer. He spent time over meals in people's homes. He was concerned only with pleasing His Father and accomplishing the things His Father had for Him, not on the things everyone else thought He should be doing. (Mark 1:35-39; Mark 14:3; Luke 22:39; John 5:19; John 8:27-29)

That convicts me. He is the Person after Whom I seek to model my life. And how many days do I fail to fully consider if my to-do lists, if the scribbles on my calendar, if my agendas, coincide with His Word and priorities and example?

Praise Him for His goodness in giving new mercies every morning. I'm off to make another piece of toast.

For the first time since I can't even remember when, I have a whole weekend with nothing on the calendar.

No places I HAVE to be.

Nothing in stone on my trusty calendar app.

It's the weirdest thing.

And it's awesome.

I'm staring at this blank white space on my MacBook screen and realizing I really don't know what words are going to fill the emptiness. 

This week has been hard. Draining. Exhausting. Tearful. Stretching.

And I'm still sorting through and processing the events and emotions and thoughts and difficulties.

But even more so, I'm completely awed by God's faithfulness and care and mercy and sovereignty over all of it.

He's sovereign over the difficult appointments, the excruciating pain and loss my friend and her family are going through after the loss of their mama, the challenging relationships, the huge uncertainties, the various illnesses amongst my loved ones, the multitude of burdens I try to help shoulder for my friends and family.

He's also sovereign over the little moments and it just blows my mind the "little" ways that He shows up everyday.

This week He has placed people and conversations and text messages and songs into the mundane moments of my days that have spoken truths straight to my heart or given laughter and healing to the weights and worries...

...a link from a friend to a little video that was exactly what I needed to hear.

...a conversation with coworkers about not constricting or manipulating plans, situations, or people to fit what we want or think is best...but instead leaving things up to God and living according to His clear commands & guidelines for living, surrendering all to Him, and waiting on Him for plans or people to fall into place or to not fall into place.

...laughter and ice cream and french fries with youth group peoples.

...the strength to get out of bed and get a workout in before work every morning this week (personal record, peeps).

...two hour conversation with my bestie about life.

...huge hugs from some of my favorites.

...familiar Scripture passages that breathe life and peace into my jumbled heart. 

...a last minute invite to join the roomies at this relaxing coffee shop, giving me the opportunity to actually sit and write like I've been longing to do.

God allows trials. He doesn't just allow them, He promises them.

And they're hard and they hurt and let's be honest: sometimes they make us angry.

But they are one of the greatest gifts He gives us.

He uses them to shape and mold and teach and grow and bless us in eternal ways we can't even fully know.

And one of the coolest things to me is how He shows up amidst them. How He gives so many amazing gifts through them. How He comforts us in them. How His promises become so much more real and alive during them. 

And sometimes He even gives us rest and breaks and blank days on the calendar.

Happy weekend.